Hi! My name is Abigail. I finished my mortal mission in a little spec of eternity you call July 2013.
Now I'm in the Spirit World and can help my family and friends (that's everyone) from this side of the veil. Some people get a little uneasy talking about "talking spirits" or "ghosts" but I'm here to tell you we're not scary. My body died, but I'm still alive. My body was destroyed and really needed a break, but I'll have it again soon. You'll have to trust me on the issue of timing. It won't be long, promise.
A month before I came here, my mommy was holding me and I told her "I will keep you forever." It took her by surprise that I came up with that on my own, but I knew what I was saying. I reinforced it later a few times by telling her, "I will keep you forever in my world, " and "I will keep you forever in my life". I meant exactly what I said.
This little piece of world wide web is a place my mom can continue to write and record her feelings--her progress, I like to call it. I know it's helping a few of you, too.
Remember who you are--really are--and that many of us are excited to see you all again, too. Eternity is a very long time and I have to keep reminding my mom "I will keep you forever".

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Abigail as a Baby

I'm still unpacking a few boxes from our move. Today it was my old journals. I opened one from 2009 and read about Abigail. Here are some excerpts:

Sunday, June 14, 2009
Abigail has been a very good girl today. She is 2 days old. I love our baby. She is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. The kids (especially E and M) can NOT get enough of her. They are constantly asking to hold her.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Abigail is precious. It's still kind of surreal to me to have a 5th child. She's so new, that it hasn't quite sunk in, I guess. Sometimes I blank on what her name is! Abigail doesn't like Daddy trying to calm her in the middle of the night. Last night he said she threw a major tantrum because he wasn't me.

Thursday, June 18, 2009
Well, Abigail is whining because I'm not holding her, but I wanted to write in my journal before bed. Ha ha, what is bed?

Sunday, June 21, 2009
I am so tired. Aaron and the kids are at church right now. I haven't done a stitch of anything toward a nice Father's Day. I'm feeling kind of emotional, and I'm sure it's just because I'm tired. I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but she REALLY knows the difference between Aaron and I. She throws little crying fits when she's tired and he's holding her. But she calms right down for me. So, I'm in high demand, haha. She's crying now, gotta go.

Sunday, June 28, 2009
Abigail is absolutely precious. She loves me!! I am so glad that I have the capability to calm and soothe her, because it would be miserable if I couldn't. Poor Aaron--Abigail doesn't calm down for him, so it's not easy for him.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009
I slept 20 minutes at 11 pm, one hour from 2:30-3:30 am, and then 3 hours from 5-8 am. All the rest of the night I spent nursing her, endlessly burping her, putting her back to sleep over and over again and being awake with her. It was a very rough night. Aaron had her for the hour I slept, but even when he has her I can't sleep well, because I can hear her crying. This morning I just cried. I sat in the rocking chair holding her and just cried. I think to myself, 2 more weeks. 2 more weeks and I will feel better with her age and getting her more on a schedule."

Which we did. For her one-month mark she slept 5 hours, and it got semi-better from there. :)

If I kept reading, I'm sure I would find many, many more entries like that. Keeping in mind that I'd already had 4 children and knew enough about typical "Mommy's girl" or "Daddy's girl," Abigail's attachment to me was extreme. Aaron could calm our other kids, even when they preferred me. Not her. And although these entries come from only the first 2 weeks of her life, her attachment continued.

How grateful I am for the love we shared then and share now. How grateful I am she showed me from (at least) Day 4 of her life how much I meant to her. I love you, Abigail. How little I knew then that sleepless nights at home were a joyous thing compared to sleepless nights in a cold hospital with constant beeping machines and wires and tubes and interruptions for "vitals" and tears of pain. Perspective...

Going through the box, I found a funeral program from another family who lost their daughter. On the back was this poem....I kept the program just for this poem, and this happened all before Abigail was even born.

"A Child Lent by God"
Author Unknown

I'll lend you for a little while
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while she lives,
And mourn when she is dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call her back,
Take care of her for me?

She'll bring her charms to gladden you,
And shall her stay be brief,
You'll have her lovely memories
For solace in your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay
Since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over
In my search for teachers true,
And from the throng that crowd life's loves
I have selected you.
Now will you give her all your love,
Nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate me when I come to call
To take her back again?

I fancied that I heard them say
Dear Lord, Thy will be done.
For all the joy thy children bring
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter her with tenderness,
We'll love her while we may,
And for happiness we've known
Forever grateful stay.

And shall the angels call for her
Much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand."

Faith.

2 comments:

  1. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing your most precious memories and reminding me what's most important.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ryanne, You're welcome. Abigail reminds me what's most important. Thank you for reading!

    ReplyDelete