Hi! My name is Abigail. I finished my mortal mission in a little spec of eternity you call July 2013.
Now I'm in the Spirit World and can help my family and friends (that's everyone) from this side of the veil. Some people get a little uneasy talking about "spirits" but I'm here to tell you we're not scary. My body died, but I'm still alive. My body was destroyed and really needed a break, but I'll have it again soon. You'll have to trust me on the issue of timing. It won't be long, promise.
A month before I came here, my mommy was holding me and I told her "I will keep you forever." It took her by surprise that I came up with that on my own, but I knew what I was saying. I reinforced it later a few times by telling her, "I will keep you forever in my world, " and "I will keep you forever in my life". I meant exactly what I said.
This little piece of world wide web is a place my mom can continue to write and record her feelings--her progress, I like to call it. I know it's helping a few of you, too.
Remember who you are--really are--and that many of us are excited to see you all again, too. Eternity is a very long time and I have to keep reminding my mom "I will keep you forever".

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Totally Forgot

On June 20th, I remembered that I had totally forgotten the monthly 'anniversary' of June 15th....the day marking 11 months since Abigail died.

Five days later, I remembered! It wasn't that we didn't think of her; of course we did. It was Father's Day on June 15th. That was probably one of the reasons why I forgot--I was thinking about Aaron and Abigail together and put together a slideshow of pictures of the two of them.

When I realized I had forgotten, I thought, "Dat's good." Maybe Abigail told me that's good. Eventually, just as I stopped thinking of every Monday as an anniversary of her death, the 15th of each month will hold less importance as well. I don't know that I'll ever forget July 15th, but who knows? If I did, would that mean I don't love Abigail as much? Would it mean I'm forgetting her? Would it mean I don't honor her memory? Surely not. It would probably mean that she has become such a part of me, just as my other children are, that I don't need dates to remember her by. It would probably mean that my scoop is being healed more and more by time and faith in Jesus Christ. It would probably mean Abigail is happier that mortal dates don't affect me as much. It would probably mean I'm getting older and losing my memory....(obviously, I'm on that path already!)

June 22, 2013. Abigail helping me cut her pain-killer pills in half.

And speaking of dates, today is the 24th of June. Last year on this day we signed a DNR form for Abigail. Do Not Resuscitate. Abigail had her LAST EVER scan. The cancer was everywhere. It was the day we told Abigail that we could leave the clinic and she never, ever had to go back again. She would never have to go to the hospital again! She was happy about that.

We never told her she was going to die. In her wise, 4-year-old mind, she knew. I think angels were preparing her. One day as I held and rocked her during hospice she said, "When I die I'll be all better!"

Who told you, Abigail? How did you know---first, that you would die, and second, that you would be healed after said 'death'? If you are healed, then you are alive. I know you are. Only your mortal frame died. The real you lives on, and I cannot hardly wait till I see you again.

I'm crying thinking about what June 24th involved. Telling my dad to please hurry and finish building her casket. Many, many tears. And there are tears today, but less than last year. Dat's good. "In His plan there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings."1

June 24, 2013

Thank you for remembering Abigail with me. Thank you for the birthday gifts you gave her of service or doing and being good. She LOVED them! Thank you for your comments here on her blog; we treasure them. We hope that her life and story and our journey through grief can help others in some small way.
I'm grateful I forgot on June 15th to think about the 11-month anniversary of her death. That was significant...a foreshadow of continued healing, through the Atonement.

"It might sound contrary to the wisdom of the world to suggest that one who is burdened with sorrow should give thanks to God. But those who set aside the bottle of bitterness and lift instead the goblet of gratitude can find a purifying drink of healing, peace, and understanding."2



  1. This is how the whole process works Annabeth. Gradually..two steps forward one step back..It's such a blessing to see your own progress. A significant foreshadow indeed. Love you!!

  2. Beautiful beautiful beautiful. And I really need to read this today. Thank you AB. I miss sweet Abigail, and I miss that I didn't know her in person as much as I wanted to. I am ever so grateful though, for her spirit, her mortal life, strength, Faith and testimony, courage, love unending, and so much more.
    I love you.

  3. Thank you Janelle and Janelle. This was a good step forward, although the July step back seems even bigger. Hard emotions. Trying to be good like Abigail is!